How to be more intimate
How do you become more intimate?
Does it require you to ;
-be in a relationship
-have erotic sex every night
-be upbeat and happy all the time
-be wild, brazen and out there
-intensely look into other people’s eyes
All those things are possible, but it is not the place to start. To begin on an intimate journey you must start with you.
Being intimate means being present enough to know yourself in the moment. Truly & deeply. And then knowing what is right for you
Intimacy is presence.
Being intimate means deepening your relationship with your self by knowing how things make you feel. You access this knowing not through your thoughts but through your heart. It starts with noticing your heart and responding to its language.
The language of the heart is sensory. It is feelings, energy, and sensations. When you start honouring the signals of your heart, without diminishing them as annoying or insignicant, you become guided by the map of how it feels to be alive in your body. The more you know how it feels to be alive in your body, the more you become able to nurture and nourish yourself in a really loving way.
Feeling my heart sounds scary
If the idea of allowing your feelings scares you, don’t worry, I totally get it. I used to run a mile from intimacy. It was uncomfortable and unknown as I had never been shown how to do it before. To be honest, it made no sense for me to be uncomfortable. Why would I do that when I could just stay in my head and be in total control? It really wasn’t until my body had a total break down that I realised control was no longer working for me and I needed to get intimate.
When you are guided by your head, you do a lot of running.
Your head can guide you, but it doesn’t give a shit about your inner contentment. Your head just wants everything to look good on the surface. We all know how it feels when we let our heads rule the roost: we become doers, busy bees with a tendency to be stressed out and worked into the ground. Our heads do not encourage us to have a relationship with pleasure or ease. It has us running from feelings which leaves us feeling lost and confused about who we truly are.
Your head wants to run from discomfort but being intimate requires a capacity to stay and process. Intimacy requires an openness to pleasure & pain. It is a radical acceptance of all experiences and requires a commitment to growth. Intimacy is, in my opinion, the work of the soul. It is what your soul has been yearning for all your life, which is why it feels so darn good.
What are the benefits?
The benefits of intimacy are:
-Feeling comfortable in your own skin
-Knowing how to best look after yourself and therefore staying well
-Feeling less shame, guilt or anxiety
And finally – the benefit we all want most of all
-Feeling more comfortable having deep connections with others
When you step into the world from a place that is intimate within, you naturally start to be intimate with others, with lovers, with the Earth, and with your purpose.
There are so many ways to start out on your intimacy journey. This site is a space that aims to offer you tools and resources for getting intimate with yourself, your life and the one you love.
The more intimate you get, the more content and fulfilled you will feel in all your relationships.
Need some help? Try my Unbreakable tool for a 5 minute daily practice that will set the foundations for intimacy and inner connection.
Need more intimacy in your relationship? Get my free gift, Thriving love to revive your relationship from the inside out.
Enjoy stepping out into this exploration of you.
Hi, I'm Nicole Mathieson, a relationship and body image coach, couple therapist and author.
My relationships blog helps couples learn practical ways to cultivate a deeper understanding of one another, find safety and connection in relationships, navigate difficult conversations and repair after conflict.