My relationship coaching philosophy draws on some key understandings.
The first is the three pillars framework. Each pillar represents one of the key areas that support us to grow and thrive in our relationships. Beneath that are the key concepts for healing.
The 3 pillars of thriving relationships
Through working on building and strengthening these 3 pillars in our relationships we can feel more empowered, more appreciative and more like the woman we want to be in life and love.
The 3 Pillars Are:
How secure we are within ourselves is reflected in the love we attract.
A secure internal relationship allows us to speak up and advocate for our needs if we are not happy with how our partner is responding to us. A relationship is a constant work in progress as we work out what we need and how to communicate that to our partner.
Communication is often where relationships start to fail. When there is criticism, defensiveness, stone-walling or an inability to listen well, there is bound to be conflict and disconnection.
The good news is that good communication is a skill that can be learnt and practiced. It is something we can all get better at.
All relationships are in a constant dance between the states of rupture, repair and connection. To have conflict is not the problem if you and your partner can move back to connection through the skill of repair.
Repair means going back in; apologising, taking responsibility for your part, unpacking and raising awareness of the vulnerabilities.
In all the resources, products and counselling sessions that I offer we look to build and strengthen these 3 pillars.
Having solid foundations in these three pillars will give you more clarity, more emotional control and a better perspective on what you and your relationship needs.
Key concepts Beneath the pillars are my key healing concepts.
These are the framework for the work we do and the tools that I offer.
The concept that within us all there are different parts, some of which are needing our attention. Our tendency is to brush off and bury these needy parts of ourselves, only making them cry louder. By offering these parts of ourselves comfort and love, we create inner cohesion and self-acceptance.
The understanding that life is not a straight line from A to B in an upward trajectory on which life gets continually better. Instead we spiral up and down and in and out. Gathering wisdom from the light, the dark and the process of it all. When we know this, we can stop panicking that we are failing every time things are not going to plan.
The concept that the beauty and goodness of your healing is not in the full complete flower ie. the finished product, but in the blossoming itself. This means that is doesn't matter where you are starting from, the very fact that you are ready to be smart and conscious in your relationship is valuable and beautiful in and of itself.
NB: Sometimes the work is not even the blossoming of a bud, but instead it is the tending of the soil, ready to plant a seed that will one day become a plant that will flower. This too has beauty and value. It fuels life. It is an expression of love.
Relationships struggle when we approach them too much from the perspective of our heads. Our head (or the logical thinking part of us) believes that everything must add up and make sense. Often leading us to ruminate, jump to conclusions, over focus on trying to find a solution or get stuck in judgement. Learning to feel into our hearts, helps us to find balance and to tap back into the natural connection we have with our partners.
Frequently asked questions
The choice you make here is dependent upon your context and preferences. It may also change over time.
- A psychologist may be the best choice if there are more complex or serious issues within the partnership such as: serious mental health issues, addiction, PTSD, bipolar, trauma, domestic violence, etc.
- Couple therapy is an effective choice for many, especially if both parties feel ready and engaged.
- One-to-one relationship coaching may be the best choice for you if you want more understanding and control over yourself, your reactions and emotions, you will be able to understand and have a positive impact upon your relationship and your partner.
There is no fixed time that is best; however, if you are feeling negative towards your relationship, my general advice is to see someone as early as possible.
If things are generally okay, one-to-one relationship coaching or couple therapy can still be a very powerful and transformative opportunity to create change, and take your relationship to the next level.
This counselling and coaching cannot promise to save your relationship or marriage. The therapy will aim to hold a safe space for you to explore your truth, it will help you learnt he skills needed to communicate better, stay out of conflict and find more joy in your partnership. However, through this process it might become clear to you that the best outcome for everyone is to end the relationship.
Yes, while I am based in Brisbane, Australia, I see clients from around the world via Zoom. As long as your time zone meets my schedule, we can work together.
My role is to support you wherever you find yourself in your relationship journey. I use the three pillars framework, but I do not have fixed method or a process that I box you into. Instead, I meet you where you are currently at and together we go where you are ready and comfortable to explore and expand.
Feedback from a new client: “Thank you, Nicole. I have never done anything like this before. I was a bit scared, but you made that so easy for me.”
My approach is heart based, therefore fully accepting of who you are, non-judgemental and present.
Before the session, I ask you to fill in a questionnaire, which gives me a clearer idea of what you are struggling with. We will use this as a starting point for setting goals for you and your relationship.
Some activities that we may do within a session are:
- exploring your concerns, issues and goals
- practices to tune in to and process feelings
- raising awareness of beliefs, narratives or fears that are holding you back
- looking at where idealism and expectations are creating tension
- examining where any unhealthy behaviour patterns come from
- learning practices to interrupt patterns that are not helpful
- comforting and offering support and comfort to the upset parts within
- communication skill building and practice
Yes. Please do the following:
- Fill in the forms provided
- Think about your aims and goals for the work
- Be ready for and committed to your own growth and healing
- Be drug and alcohol free
This is dependent on the individual or couples involved. It can vary but generally I would suggest you start with the aim of 4 sessions to give it a good chance and then see how you go from there.
Yes! The level to which you work on the homework between sessions makes all the difference. I give my clients focus tasks to complete as homework.
The best way to confirm if you would like to work with me is to see if you resonate with my words and style. Feel free to send me an email with any questions to email@example.com
I am not able to offer you healthcare rebates and I'm afraid couple therapy is not eligible for medicare rebates.
Where to next?
I wish you all the very best in your relationship journey