What we really want from our men

Iain and Nic

Dear men / partners,

{psst, this is a complete and utter generalisation and will not apply to all men or women. it may apply to your partner in any shape or form but whatever the form, in my experience is still relevant}

There are a few things that we women would love you to know. We think you are great, in fact we mostly just adore you. We do not want to criticise you but we just feel with this understanding, our interactions could become more filled with ease.

When I put the question “what do we want our menfolk to know?” to my facebook community I got the responses that;

  • we need you to listen but not solve
  • we need you to really hear us
  • we want you to be liberated from the stereotype where you think you have to lead

I have to say I agree with my tribe. What we are calling for is in essence is presence.

{We could talk about sex here too, but let’s leave that for another conversation.}

The reason we are writing to you is that we want you to understand our yearning for growth.

Have you noticed that there is a building momentum amongst us womenfolk of heightened spiritual communion? We are being magnetised towards our own expansion. The pull is compelling and the path is unquestionable. We are on a mission to evolve and restore balance within ourselves and on this planet. We are at the mercy of our higher selves and of our calling.

At times we understand this can be frustrating and perplexing for you as you probably aren’t feeling it in the same way.

The thing is, that our yearning for growth, means that we are needing to operate at the forefront of our vulnerability.

This is where the point of growth is. We need to hang out there. Turning towards our vulnerability and fear is what makes us grow. It is liberating, heightened, ecstatic yet sometimes overwhelming.

open heart woman

And so our lovely men, we need you to understand that when we are raw and messy and we need to be emotional, it does not mean that we have a huge problem. It does not mean that you are in trouble. It does not mean that we are weak, overly sensitive or menstrual. It means that we need you to be a part of the process. We are growing and we need to express this to you.

We want you to be involved. We want you to hold us in the fear and pain and doubt of it.

We do not want you to ignore, deflect, solve or avoid. In fact all we really need is your presence.

We ask you to be present and hold the space for us. We want you to be strong.

And so our men, to make us happy, all we need is your presence in our storm.

They say we are complex beings but we are not really, we just need to express, when you understand this you will be able to stress about us a whole lot less.

We would love to hear from you about what you need us to understand, lots of love, respect and masculine/ feminine polarity, your women folk


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Nicole Mathieson

Hi, I'm Nicole Mathieson, a relationship and body image coach, couple therapist and author.

My relationships blog helps couples learn practical ways to cultivate a deeper understanding of one another, find safety and connection in relationships, navigate difficult conversations and repair after conflict.