My coping with nerves toolkit

my coping with nerves toolkit
Nicole Mathieson confidence coachi


Coping with nerves

I am really well. Yet really nervous. That kind of stretching out of comfort zone, expansive feeling.

There is a part of me that is completely freaking out.

You see, next week I am doing a 1.5-hour talk at the Seven Sisters Festival in front of up to 100 beautiful women. This is big for me.

My soul is delighted. She has been wanting this for ages. This is her desire.  She says Yes – finally, let’s do this. This is where you belong.
Yet my EGO – that part of me that just wants to keep me safe, she is worried that I will stuff this up.

This is what she says to me;
What the hell are you doing?
You won’t have anything to tell these women
This talk is nothing new
If you do it, it has to be perfect
What on earth are you going to wear?

I feel pretty well equipped to deal with the freak outs. I mean, this is actually kind of the topic of my talk. I am speaking on Guilt Free Pleasure but really it is all about the journey from the head back to the heart. From the EGO and the idea that we always need more to be okay, to the infinite knowing that I am okay (like perfectly okay) right here and right now.

If I approach this talk from my head it will never be enough, I will never be ready and I will never feel confident or clear.

But in my heart I know. I trust that I have some ideas that can light something up in others. And that is enough. And when I trust that, I drop in to a space that I am calling the zone of genius. A space where I function optimally, where I have full access to my intelligence, creativity and universal consciousness. A space where I know my soul, and I find the courage of my heart.

So you can imagine, that I am pulling out all the tricks in my toolbox to keep myself in my zone of genius.

Yes, I have a toolbox. (Of course!) and I am going to share it with you.

Here it is:

My coping with nerves (or anything) toolbox


1. Appease the EGO

I keep coming back to my EGO and assuring her that everything is fine. She is the kind of girl who likes evidence, so I need to follow this up with some action. For this talk, I have got really clear on what I am going to say and I have all my prompt cards ready to go. She likes that.
Oh and the other thing – so that she can’t freak out about not looking good – I went and bought a really pretty dress. (What do you think?)
Another thing I do to keep her quiet is I send her my gratitude. I say something like this to her” Oh thank you honey, I know you are afraid, and you are really just looking after me and keeping me safe. I really appreciate it and I recognise that this comes from love. I am so grateful to you” _ And before I know it, my gratitude has dropped me into the realm of my heart – nifty trick hey!!

new dress


2. Breathe

The breath is something we often forget about when we are stressed, but it is the easiest and most accessible way to positively influence your Autonomic Nervous System. It can penetrate and nip that stress response in the bud. So I am coming back to my breath, quite a lot this week.

In for 2 out for 4 – the long exhale seems to really bring me back to my soul.


3. Earth

The Earth, the moon, the sun, the stars – they all seem to bring things back into perspective. I have a daily practice of connecting to my heart with a tree. The tree brings me back to my Earth essence and reminds me the truth of who I am. I am a vibrational being, emitting frequencies into the world.
My tree reminds me that it is my energy that matters (oh that one helps with the talk).
Also, that we are all connected, that there is no hierarchy, no right or wrong and that we are all beautiful expressions of life.


4. Eyes of the heart

The EGO, I have discovered is a way of seeing yourself as though from some other person’s eyes, perhaps an authority figure or a well-placed peer. Through these eyes you can do no right.
Seeing myself through the eyes of the heart, I see that I am doing my best. I see that I have the most beautiful intentions and motivations. I see that I only want what’s best. The eyes of the heart are much more compassionate and kind.
It helps me to remember that I do not need to be perfect, just human.


5. Gratitude

Gratitude has this incredible ability to shift us out of our story of woe and back into the heart. The minute I catch myself whining or feeling sorry for myself, I drop back into my gratitude for the situation.
With my talk, I might be thinking, oh I wish I had the earlier time slot, this is going to be hard, I bet I won’t sleep much the night before…. etc. NO!
Actually, I have been wanting to do this for years, I am so grateful to be having this opportunity, I am grateful for the excitement, the novelty, the challenge, the people who come, my beautiful friend Nance who is my assistant. I am so grateful that I am doing a job that I love, that I get to talk about things that inspire and delight me and that I want to fight for. I am truly blessed.
See you later EGO!!


6. I got this

Oh this one, if you have been hanging around me for a wee while, you will know that this is one of my favourite tools. In fact, it is also one of clients favourite tools. It is simple, it is practical, it is easy and it works.

Basically, all you need to do, anytime you feel uncomfortable (annoyed, disappointed, anxious, sad, frustrated, inadequate etc.) or you just need help coping,  is gently slap your hand onto your chest and tell yourself
“It’s okay honey, I got this. I am here.”
What can you not get through, when you are totally there for yourself in whatever you are feeling?
This tool is really the only thing you will ever need, if you are wanting to pursue your soul path.
This one needs to be your default / go to tool for any kind of discomfort. I will be teaching my lovely audience this one too.
Did you know I kind of have this available for you, all the time for free as a guided meditation? Here it is.


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What about you my lovely, could you use a little heart clarity and confidence to help you with your next step?
I would love to hear from you,
Which of the tools in the toolbox is calling you first?

Take care
See you on the other side



  1. Ady on March 10, 2016 at 12:21 pm

    Thanks for your email Nicole,
    Your wisdom is simple yet so powerful & makes so much sense.
    I will definately aim to use your toolkit more in my life as my Monkey mind still gets the better of me sometimes, even after years of Yoga & Meditation. It’s like, you know the right path to take, but your ego takes over & you forget where your should be going.
    Warms regards

  2. Ady on March 10, 2016 at 12:22 pm

    Thanks for your email Nicole,
    Your wisdom is simple yet so powerful & makes so much sense.
    I will definately aim to use your toolkit more in my life as my Monkey mind still gets the better of me sometimes, even after years of Yoga & Meditation. It’s like, you know the right path to take, but your ego takes over & you forget where you should be going.
    Warms regards

    • Nicole on March 24, 2016 at 10:09 am

      Thanks Ady, so glad you find it helpful xx

  3. Kathy on March 16, 2016 at 8:31 pm

    Great post and great tools Nicole. You’ll be great with your talk and you are absolutely where you need and should be. I had a little chuckle as I almost missed the . between 1 and 15, so it looked like you were doing a 15 hour talk! Now that would really be hard!

  4. Kathy on March 16, 2016 at 8:33 pm

    Great post and great tool box. And you’ll be great too Nicole – you are exactly where you need to be and where you should be. I had a little chuckle though – the . between the 1 and 5 was hard to see, so it looked like you’d be giving a 15 hour talk – now that would really be hard! Go get them (or go help them)!

    • hdgu556jdikb08 on March 24, 2016 at 10:08 am

      Ooh 15 hours. not sure about that. thanks Kathy x

    • Nicole on July 29, 2016 at 12:48 pm

      Wow! Thank you Kathy. A little late – but hey!!

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Nicole Mathieson

Hi, I'm Nicole Mathieson, a relationship and body image coach, couple therapist and author.

My relationships blog helps couples learn practical ways to cultivate a deeper understanding of one another, find safety and connection in relationships, navigate difficult conversations and repair after conflict.