Our culture lets us down
Our culture encourages marriage, but where do we turn if we have problems?
In my marriage, there have been moments when I have felt so alone.
……..So sure that nobody else shared my problems.
I didn’t know who to turn to.
I didn’t know that turning to someone would really be an option.
And then one night I watched a TV show that changed all that. It was an episode of “The Sunny side of sex”. A series in which Dutch hostess Sonny Bergman travelled around to other cultures to see if us Westerners had any right to think that our sexual culture was sophisticated in comparison to the less developed nations.
It was the episode about Uganda that changed everything for me.
In Uganda, when a young person reaches puberty, they are assigned a sexual mentor (aunty or uncle depending on sex). Someone to guide and support them in all their sexual and relationship needs throughout life. The mentor teaches them about sex, love, pleasure and what to do when you are not getting on.
It dawned on me, in that moment, Oh my God! I want something like this.
In truth, actually I don’t want this exactly. I am too much of a product of my private and secret culture to want anyone to be delving too close to my sexual affairs – but what I want is someone or someplace to go to – to talk to other women.
I want avenues of communication. Oh man! Yes! I want to be able to talk and share in a way that is not gossip or bitching – but is about growth and learning.
In this, our culture lets us down.
Where can we turn?
Before I saw this program, I didn’t even fathom this kind of support. I didn’t realise it was possible. I didn’t even know I wanted it.
But I wanted it badly.
So now I have created it. A monthly circle for women to learn, grow and share in the realm of relationships.
The first circle is happening this coming Sunday evening in Newmarket.
In this very first circle we will be exploring pressure. Cultural, peer, family, expectation, guilt and all those shoulds that we feel in love, marriage and relationships that perhaps do not deserve a place.
We will work out what is yours (what you want to keep) and what is not yours (that you can leave at the door).
You will leave feeling lighter and clearer. In our circles we will have ritual, meditation, movement, journal time and sharing. There will be cups of tea and open hearts.
Brisbane ladies, I would love to see you there. Tickets here.
For those of you not in Brisbane – do not fret, we have an online group which is having some really amazing conversation at the moment. In fact this week we are discussing the very same themes of letting go of expectations that are not our own. Come on over and join us.
Hi, I'm Nicole Mathieson, a relationship and body image coach, couple therapist and author.
My relationships blog helps couples learn practical ways to cultivate a deeper understanding of one another, find safety and connection in relationships, navigate difficult conversations and repair after conflict.