Pretty much everyone I know has a part of their body that they’d like to change. They just can’t quite seem to fully accept it.

For some of us it is our shape, for others it’s the dark hairs, the skin, the lump, the scar, the list goes on.

This body part seems to have this power over us that stops us from fully accepting ourselves for who we are.

We’ve felt the sting of childhood taunts, we’re reminded every time we look in the mirror, and the clothes on the rack just never fit. We know that not everybody can be a supermodel, and that it is time to grow up and get over it, but this is easier said than done. Some of us come to some kind of grudging acceptance and bury the feelings of shame and guilt, for others, these feelings are still acutely felt every day.

For me the body part that felt like an issue was my small breasts.

They just never really grew. I waited and waited and watched all my girlfriends develop breasts and then get boyfriends. I came to associate the developing of breasts with sexual allure. I did not feel I had the right to allure until they arrived. I did not feel entitled, capable, or at all attractive without these symbols of womanhood. My discomfort with my body was palpable. It was clear to me (in the warped way that scared parts of us make sense) that I wasn’t woman enough!

My discomfort came from the feeling that my physical body was lacking. This brought with it pain, disappointment and a lack of confidence. I wanted to hide, disguise, enhance, or cover up.

 BUT even back in my teenage years, part of me always questioned:

Why should small breasts hold me back?

Why am I so blocked to seeing them as lovely, attractive, even sexy?

There was tension around the paradigm in which I was judging myself with somebody else’s idea of perfection. The perception of lack is only active when we are successfully sold to, hook, line and sinker, by the world of marketing, media and Hollywood – a world that most of us would not trust an inch, let alone with our self-confidence.

Of course, I am sure you agree with me that in reality there is no such thing as perfection. But even though we can understand the logic, the nagging feelings often remain!

So how can we disengage from this default pattern?

Here is how I started on the path to fully accepting my body.

Take a step back, a few deep breaths, feel yourself coming back to your centre.

Ask a few questions;

1. Do I really want to mirror this image of mass media perfection?
2. Is mirroring the Hollywood ideal the only way for me to shine?
3. What is/are this/these  _________ (* put your own body issue here) showing me?
4. How can I love it/them?

 

For me  after connecting to my inner being and fully accepting my body, the changes were profound.

I felt unbelievably grateful for the beautiful, functioning, life giving body (it has nourished 2 thriving children) that I have.

I understood that my struggle had been a blessing for me personally as it has taught me a very valuable life lesson of overcoming doubt. Without having to grapple with the perceived lack and imperfection, I would have no empathy and would not be so good at my job!

If small breasts was my cross to bear (and of course I have others) then THANK YOU. I can take on the wisdom for this and be grateful that my lesson did not have to come with a whole pile of much tougher grit.

These days, I can honestly say that not only do I now love my breasts but grappling with my acceptance of them has been great preparation for the grappling I am doing as I age.

You might like to read my article How to Feel Beautiful for more insights on loving your body and feeling more confident.