The Beauty Load book
Reclaim your body, your confidence and your relationships
Learn how body image shapes your relationships — and how self-compassion can set you free — in The Beauty Load book by couple counsellor Nicole Mathieson.
"A call to personal freedom and deeply unconditional self-love." -Kris Franken, spiritual mentor and author of The Call of Intuition
From the moment we’re old enough to notice, the world teaches us that our value is tied to how we look
Patriarchy, media and consumer culture push impossible beauty standards — and the result is a constant undercurrent of self-criticism, comparison and shame.
This is what I call the Beauty Load: the heavy, invisible burden of never feeling “enough.”
It shows up in countless ways:
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A harsh inner critic that points out every flaw.
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Perfectionism that keeps us chasing the next diet, cream or trend.
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Feeling judged by others — and judging ourselves — in every mirror or photo.
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Struggles in dating, intimacy and sexual confidence, where self-doubt replaces pleasure.
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Tension in relationships, fuelled by jealousy, insecurity or withdrawal.
If you've ever thought: Why do I measure my worth by my appearance? Why do I feel insecure in moments that should be intimate and joyful? Will I ever feel truly at home in my own skin?
This book about beauty standards and how to love your body was written for you.
A practical guide to healing your relationship with yourself and the people you love
At the heart of The Beauty Load book is self-compassion — the proven antidote to body image angst. Instead of fighting your insecurities or falling down the rabbit hole of self-criticism, I show you how to meet those tender parts of yourself with kindness, understanding, and care.
You’ll also find practical, actionable guidance to help you:
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Shift your relationship with your insecure parts and transform self-doubt into self-acceptance.
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Understand body image as a relational issue, deeply connected to attachment and intimacy.
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Navigate dating, sex and relationships with greater confidence and ease.
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Embrace ageing as a liberating process, and find beauty in authenticity rather than perfection.
More than a self-love book for women, The Beauty Load is a gentle companion for anyone ready to step out from under the weight of the beauty load and finally feel at home in their body and relationships.
Reader reviews
"You'll want to buy this as a gift for your teenage daughters, sisters and friends."
Amazon reader
"Who knew letting go of beauty rules could feel so liberating and free."
Amanda Murray
"What a fantastic read! I've loaned this book to several friends, and will be saving it for when my daughter becomes a teenager."
Ngaire Jones
"I read this sanity-saver just as I was shifting into my 50s, when my appearance suddenly took a hit. The Beauty Load was a light bulb moment, an invitation to take a long, hard look at how society has manipulated beauty ideals to suit a patriarchal narrative. This book is an important tool in the liberation of women, and I'm eternally grateful for having read it!"
Petrina Reichman
"The Beauty Load is something I have experienced my whole life but have never had the insight or understanding to articulate or unpack. The author explores and expresses it in such an insightful and approachable way, so there were lots of 'aha!' moments throughout the book.
Amazon reader
Buy The Beauty Load book
Available as a paperback or Kindle eBook — whichever you prefer.
About the author: Nicole Mathieson
I’m a couples and marriage counsellor with more than 15 years of experience, a 25+ year marriage and two teenage kids. But beyond the credentials and family life, I know what it feels like to carry the weight of body image struggles.
As a young woman, my body insecurities sabotaged intimacy, creating anxiety, avoidance and problems in dating, romance and early sexual experiences.
Even after marriage, motherhood and a growing career, while proudly identifying as a feminist, those same insecurities lingered. It was frustrating to realise they hadn’t simply disappeared with age or achievement.
Over time, coupled with a deep desire not to pass this shame on to my children — and witnessing the very same struggles in my clients — I reached a turning point. What finally set me free wasn’t "fixing" my body, but learning to meet my insecurities with self-compassion — a practice that’s now at the heart of my work.
So, I understand how the Beauty Load can impact love, intimacy and self-worth. Alongside my personal journey, I bring years of professional insight from supporting thousands of women through the same struggles. The Beauty Load brings these threads together — a compassionate, practical body image book and guide to finding confidence, connection and freedom through self-compassion.
Hear Nicole read from The Beauty Load
Want a free taster? Listen as I read Chapter 11, 'We Don’t Feel Good Enough', exploring how body image insecurities shape our self-perception and impact confidence, love and connection.
“Acceptance is knowing that your body, while perfect in nature, is not ‘perfect’ in terms of the cultural ideas of beauty. It is cellulite, scars, small breasts, discoloured skin and love coexisting within you.”
Nicole Mathieson, The Beauty Load author
The Beauty Load book is for you if:
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You feel anxious, self-conscious or critical about your body.
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Insecurities sometimes affect your dating life, sexual confidence or long-term relationships.
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You want to build a kinder, more compassionate relationship with yourself.
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You’re tired of surface-level body image advice and want practical tools that work.
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You want to understand how societal pressures and beauty standards shape self-esteem.
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You’re ready to feel empowered, confident and more secure in your body and relationships.
Praise for The Beauty Load
Buy The Beauty Load book
Available as a paperback or Kindle eBook — whichever you prefer.