My Counselling Philosophy

My relationship coaching philosophy draws on some key understandings.

The first is the three pillars framework. Each pillar represents one of the key areas that support us to grow and thrive in our relationships. Beneath that are the key concepts for healing.

The 3 pillars of thriving relationships

Through working on building and strengthening these 3 pillars in our relationships we can feel more empowered, more appreciative and more like the woman we want to be in life and love.

The 3 Pillars Are:

Secure self

How secure we are within ourselves is reflected in the love we attract.

A secure internal relationship allows us to speak up and advocate for our needs if we are not happy with how our partner is responding to us. A relationship is a constant work in progress as we work out what we need and how to communicate that to our partner.

Communication

Communication is often where relationships start to fail. When there is criticism, defensiveness, stone-walling or an inability to listen well, there is bound to be conflict and disconnection.

The good news is that good communication is a skill that can be learnt and practiced. It is something we can all get better at.

Repair

All relationships are in a constant dance between the states of rupture, repair and connection. To have conflict is not the problem if you and your partner can move back to connection through the skill of repair.
Repair means going back in; apologising, taking responsibility for your part, unpacking and raising awareness of the vulnerabilities.

In all the resources, products and counselling sessions that I offer we look to build and strengthen these 3 pillars.

Having solid foundations in these three pillars will give you more clarity, more emotional control and a better perspective on what you and your relationship needs.

Key concepts Beneath the pillars are my key healing concepts.

These are the framework for the work we do and the tools that I offer.

1. The parts within

2. The spiral

3. The blossoming

The concept that the beauty and goodness of your healing is not in the full complete flower ie. the finished product, but in the blossoming itself. This means that is doesn't matter where you are starting from, the very fact that you are ready to be smart and conscious in your relationship is valuable and beautiful in and of itself.

NB: Sometimes the work is not even the blossoming of a bud, but instead it is the tending of the soil, ready to plant a seed that will one day become a plant that will flower. This too has beauty and value. It fuels life. It is an expression of love.

4. The head to heart shift

Relationships struggle when we approach them too much from the perspective of our heads. Our head (or the logical thinking part of us) believes that everything must add up and make sense. Often leading us to ruminate, jump to conclusions, over focus on trying to find a solution or get stuck in judgement. Learning to feel into our hearts, helps us to find balance and to tap back into the natural connection we have with our partners.

Frequently asked questions

Which is best for me: one-to-one relationship coaching, couple’s therapy or working with a psychologist?

The choice you make here is dependent upon your context and preferences. It may also change over time.

A psychologist may be the best choice if there are more complex or serious issues within the partnership such as: serious mental health issues, addiction, PTSD, bipolar, trauma, domestic violence, etc.
Couple therapy is an effective choice for many, especially if both parties feel ready and engaged.
One-to-one relationship coaching may be the best choice for you if you want more understanding and control over yourself, your reactions and emotions, you will be able to understand and have a positive impact upon your relationship and your partner.

Is it better to come when I am really struggling, when I am first feeling negative about my relationship or when things are generally going well?

Will this save my marriage?

This counselling and coaching cannot promise to save your relationship or marriage. The therapy will aim to hold a safe space for you to explore your truth, it will help you learnt he skills needed to communicate better, stay out of conflict and find more joy in your partnership. However, through this process it might become clear to you that the best outcome for everyone is to end the relationship.

I am not in Brisbane, can I still have a session?

I have never done anything like this before. I’m scared.

My role is to support you wherever you find yourself in your relationship journey. I use the three pillars framework, but I do not have fixed method or a process that I box you into. Instead, I meet you where you are currently at and together we go where you are ready and comfortable to explore and expand.

Feedback from a new client: “Thank you, Nicole. I have never done anything like this before. I was a bit scared, but you made that so easy for me.”

My approach is heart based, therefore fully accepting of who you are, non-judgemental and present.

What exactly happens in a session?

Before the session, I ask you to fill in a questionnaire, which gives me a clearer idea of what you are struggling with. We will use this as a starting point for setting goals for you and your relationship.
Some activities that we may do within a session are:

exploring your concerns, issues and goals
practices to tune in to and process feelings
raising awareness of beliefs, narratives or fears that are holding you back
looking at where idealism and expectations are creating tension
examining where any unhealthy behaviour patterns come from
learning practices to interrupt patterns that are not helpful
comforting and offering support and comfort to the upset parts within
communication skill building and practice

Do I need to prepare in any way for my first session?

How many sessions will I need?

Do I need to do anything to continue the work between sessions?

How will I know if you are the right practitioner for me?

Do you offer medicare or health fund rebates

Where to next?

Email a question

Book an appointment

I wish you all the very best in your relationship journey
Take care,