Resources for clients

These are my favourite resources

Therapy can lead to powerful transformation but the difference between those who get the most out of it and those who don't is what happens between session.
These are the resources that will enhance your progress.

Choose one

There are a lot of resources listed here. Too many for you to cover them all, and that's okay. Find the area that feels like the first step, and find the one resource to take that step with. Then once you have a handle on that, come back and take the next step.

Let's get started

I have divided the resources into the following areas:

Self-awareness - because nothing can change until we are aware

Self-regulation - the most important relationship ability

Communication - the place most couples get lost

Couple skills - skills to keep your relationship sustainable

Sex and intimacy - a place that a little support can go a long way

Affair recovery - tools for a very tricky time in relationship

Body image - how you feel about your body is an important foundation

Self awareness

There is no change without there first being self awareness.

The Feelings Wheel - tool

The Feelings wheel is a tool that you can use to expand your feelings awareness. I recommend a daily check-in for how you are feeling as a great first step for expanding your awareness.

Grab your journal and answer the following:

How am I feeling today/ right now?
Check the Feelings Wheel to identify more precisely what the feeling is.
Find the place in your body where you are feeling that feeling the most.
Jot down any reflections you have about that feeling and how it makes sense that you are feeling it, without judgement or trying to change it.
Offer yourself compassion, such as "I get it, that is uncomfortable and hard"

No Bad Parts- book by Dick Shwarz

The Call of Intuition - book by Kris Franken

This book by intuitive Kris Franken, is a guide to understanding your inner being. Something I know that a lot of you struggle with is discerning anxiety from your inner guide. This book can help with that.

The Call of Intuition shows how integrating and balancing your three inner guides intuition, instinct, and insight helps you unleash your deepest creative wisdom and move forward with a renewed zest for life.

Nervous system repair with Irene Lyons Youtube

Self-regulation

Staying centred and calm is one of the most important relationship skills you can foster.

Leaves on a Stream meditation

The work by Byron Katie

Wim Hoff breathing

Emotions as tunnels

Restful app - meditations

This is an app full of meditone tracks - they are tracks imprinted with binaural beats - meaning that the tracks take our brains into different states of relaxation without us needing to do anything but listen (with headphones) .

For many of us, meditation is tricky and we can start to feel like we need to just give up because we really can’t focus. Which is why I love Restful app. Not only that but the music is just stunning.

Calming the upset parts worksheet

Calming the upset parts meditation

Communication

Communication is often the starting place of break-down for many couples.
Here are some communication resources to help.

The Rules of Communication - tool

The 5 Big mistakes Couples make and how to avoid them - online course

Safe and Connected Communication - online course

My do-together course for couples to learn how to talk about anything.

I teach couples a practical strategy for cultivating a deeper understanding of one another. Communication becomes the avenue to find your way back to safety and connection so you can navigate difficult conversations and repair after conflict. You can trust that you can stay safe and connected.

This mini-course will teach you how to communicate better and it's one for couples to do together.

As my client you get 50% off all my courses with the code Client50

50 questions to ask your partner to deepen your connection

Long term couples often get stuck in problem focussed and logistical conversing. This can feel disconnected and create a cascade of doubt and tension in the relationship.

These 50 questions have been designed to help you feel more gratitude, appreciation and intimacy for each other and to remember the connection that works beneath the day to day.

Before having the heavy, serious conversations, bring back your connection with these questions

The Feedback Wheel - communication tool

The Rules of Timeout

Gottman play decks - talking tool

Couple skills

There is more to a thriving intimate relationship than communication.
Here are some of my favourite tools and skills that will help your relationship feel sustainable and thriving.

Us - book by Terry Real

Grateful Love - online course

You are the One You've been Waiting For - book by Dick Schwarz

Healing complex and childhood sexual trauma

Attached - book by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller

The Relationship-smart podcast - by me!

Tired of feeling frustrated, disconnected and drained in your relationship, and done with blaming your partner? If you're ready to create deeper, more fulfilling connections — these podcasts about relationships are for you.

The first step is awareness, and each episode will guide you toward the relationship you desire. Tune in to discover philosophies and practical tools for feeling more alive and truly yourself in your relationship.

Affair recovery

Recovering from affairs can be tricky. I help my clients follow the Gottman 3 phases of recovery. Some of the resources below can really help.

The State of Affairs - book by Esther Perel

Another one by Esther Perel (she is a bit of a hero of mine), but this time exploring affairs in great depth.
If you have been touched by affairs, this is a must read, but even if you have not, I thoroughly recommend it. This book gives us insight into our sexual nature, shame and all the places we hide in our relationships. Reading this book gave me so much insight into myself, relationships but also what it takes to stay content and connected in relationship.
Perel gives us permission to do relationships and explicitly our sex lives in a way that is uniquely our own. The message is there is no cookie cutter, and that marriages often go wrong when we try to fit into some old, outdated mold.

Attone, Attune and Attach the 3 phases of recovery - article, Gottman

Rethinking Infidelity - Ted talk by Esther Perel

How to know if you are living with a sex addict - article

Betrayal recovery tools - Debi Silber

Sex and intimacy

Sexual intimacy can be tricky for most couples.
Libidos and sexual desires can differ and yet conversations can fell really difficult. Here are some of my favourite resources to help support you.

Come As You Are - book by Emily Nagoski

Mating In Captivity - book by Esther Perel

Esther Perel is a world expert on erotic intelligence. Mating in Captivity invites us to explore the paradoxical union of domesticity (love) and sexual desire (the erotic), and why it is not always compatible. This book explains what it takes to bring lust home.
I loved how this book made sense of love’s need for safety and desire’s need for risk. It was the sigh of relief and understanding that my sex life was after.

Sex, Love and Goop - Netflix series

Come Together - book by Emily Nagoski

Reclaiming Pleasure, moving past sexual trauma - book by Holly Richmond

Healing Pelvic Pain - book by Dr Peta Wright

Body image

Our personal perception of our beauty, or the lack of it, can make us feel anything from numb to anxious, stressed and ashamed, and at worst like we don’t belong and that we are not worthy of being loved.

The Beauty Load - book by Nicole Mathieson

From Insecurity to Body Confidence - online course

The Body is not an Apology - book by Sonya Renee Taylor

Body Image resources

Embrace - documentary by Taryn Brumfitt

Where to next?

Email a question

Book an appointment

If you have any resources that you think I need to explore, or you feel that I have missed an area that you need support in, please let me know.

I wish you all the best in your relationship journey

Take care,