Sex, Culture & Shakti Power
Good old Queen Victoria.
Has she got your sex life by the balls?
I love Sydney’s QVB. I love Victorianate architecture. I love Pride and Prejudice.
I love fancy English tea sets & high teas & table manners.
But you know, as humans we can be all a bit too civilised. Especially when it comes to our sensual lives.
We forget that we are from the earth. That we are mammals, in fact animals – we are natural, that our sexuality is natural.
Maybe for you it is not Queen Victoria and English sensibilities that have your sex life by the scrotum. Perhaps it was Religious idealism – Sex should only be for having babies or it is sinful. And masturbation – well you are going to hell! Or was it that pleasure was frowned upon and pain & suffering showed your capacity for God worship.
These are some of the beliefs that shaped our own sex education. Is this enough for us?
I have recently been watching a TV series called “The Sunny side of sex” as part of my sensual research. It is a documentary with a Dutch presenter Sonny Bergman who travels around the world exploring different cultural outlooks on sex. Let me share with some interesting points but know that I am making generalisations based on a series of one hour documentaries. I understand that cultures are much more complex and multi-dimensional than what you see in that small broadcast – but I share this, trusting that we can learn from the sexual snapshots of different cultures.
The Karma Sutra is handed down from mother to daughter ( and I know that this was probably only one small faction of the diverse culture). The women sit around and talk about tricks and techniques to please their husbands.
The girls are sex educated from a young age by their Aunty and the boys by their Uncle. If you don’t have an Aunty or Uncle there are professional agencies who can provide you with a sexual mentor. Everyone has one and they are your advisor in all things sex – for life. You meet them regularly and they guide you on how to please your partner and how to get the most stimulation yourself. They will even be present to coach you on your first marital lay!! (I know what you are thinking) If you ever have relationship or sexual issues in your marriage (they seemed quite firmly traditional on the issue of marriage) then your mentors get together and you all hatch a plan to resolve the issue.
The women are revered for their sexuality just because they are women. When interviewed and asked “Are you sexy / beautiful?” They were so assured and confident in their replies. You could see that they felt attractive – with all their curves and bums and womanly shapes. They totally and unapologetically owned their sexiness and beauty like most western women wouldn’t. These women were not shaped and toned or perfect barbie dolls but they knew that they were enough. And do you know what? – these women have never been exposed to advertising. Ads have been banned in Cuba for 30 years. They had never been told that they were not enough or should look a certain way to be happy.
These snapshots of sex in different cultures make me realise how much of a struggle it can be in our culture to feel comfortable and open in our sexuality. Sex education for me growing up was minimal. At school they taught me how to avoid diseases and pregnancy but how to find pleasure!? and what to expect!?? no.
As a mother in the age of the internet, this minimal approach just will not do. This approach to sex education is leaving it in the hands of general society and a culture of porn.
With our lack of sexual guidance, especially in comparison to other cultures, is it any wonder that women are struggling?
We are lost in a modern limbo. Somewhere between needing botox and boob jobs to feel sexy and just giving in to our low libido fed by low self image and taking one for the team just to keep our partners happy.
We have lost our Shakti power under shame, uncertainty and unease. It is time to take the bull by the horns and get it back for the sake of our children. For the sake of our pleasure, our lust for life, our passion & desire. For the sake of our spirit.
If you are ready to regain your Shakti power, to find your own frequency and to start vibrating and attracting your way. There is only short time left to reserve your place on my Sensual Soul Workshop – happening on 3rd August.
On the workshop day I will lovingly and comfortably guide you back to your inner wellspring of well-being, from where we can acknowledge the lies, activate the sensual goddess, find out what she needs and welcome her in her full natural sensual essence into the world. Check out more here.
So how have you taken ownership of your sensual self? How have you navigated the limitations of sexual education and cultural hang-ups? Do you have a different culture of sex in your family? How has it helped or hindered your emergence? I would love to hear from you.
Hi, I'm Nicole Mathieson, a relationship and body image coach, couple therapist and author.
My relationships blog helps couples learn practical ways to cultivate a deeper understanding of one another, find safety and connection in relationships, navigate difficult conversations and repair after conflict.