Sensuality fundamentals

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Sensuality is a way to live that is in touch with how it feels to be alive in your body.

Feeling sensual enhances the experience of life and opens you to pleasure.

There are a few fundamental understandings that are needed to really activate and expand it’s magic in your life.

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So here are the fundamental understandings for living a sensual life;


  1. Sensuality is not just about sex.

    It is about how it feels to be present in your body. It is acknowledging and savouring pleasure and it is a form of deepening your relationship with your spirit by appreciating what creates good feeling states and honouring and nurturing those. It is about living & owning your life as you.

    Example |  You wear your favourite sexy knickers to an interview and it gives you a secret source of confidence.

  2. You gotta tune in

    Sensuality is an honouring of your true nature. To ignite the flow of sensual energy you must allow what is. Honouring what you love & what feels good is a great place to start. Allowing your sensuality is a form of self-love and can initiate and activate unrealised levels of self-love.

    So in order to honour your needs, know what you want and to follow your desires – you must tune in. Tuning in happens when you give yourself time and space. When you take the time to nurture yourself with the question – what do I feel like right now?

    Example |  You take a break from rushing around, flying from one thing to the next and just sit with yourself. You notice your breath, you notice your feelings and after a couple of minutes you notice something about yourself today that you had totally not seen/ heard or felt before.

  3. It is about the journey not the result

    When we are focused on the end result, we are oblivious to the present moment. We are transfixed on achievements, goal getting and finally getting to tick the last item off the list. We are in a state of limbo – waiting for life to start and yet when we finally get to the result we often feel exhausted and flat. You’ve heard about Tantra. Tantra is (like sensuality) a form of spiritual practice that is perceived to be solely focused on sex but is not – it is a way of living. When we think of tantra we think of 3 hour sex sessions but actually it is more about being present and feeling connected.

    As sex becomes more sensual – when it is not just about the orgasm but about savouring the experience of pleasuring, then life becomes not just about results but about savouring the experience of allowing & opening to the potential of each moment.

    You do not need a degree, to lose 5 kilos, to pay off the car or to have a clean house in order to open to yourself or your life. The shift is an internal one. You can do it right now.

    Example |  You have been fixated on cleaning the house and doing it with a grumble and a groan, but you take a moment, reconfigure and realise that cleaning the windows is really quite satisfying. You have your favourite pod-cast playing and realise that this is actually a moment of great value.

  4. What you feel matters

    You my treasure – you matter. And because you matter – what you feel matters. Your feelings are your guide and your compass. No longer is it helpful for you to numb out and suppress what you feel. The old paradigm way was all very stoic; get on with it, soldier on, grin and bear it. And these sentiments are all very useful and have their place – especially when we are focused on results right! But in order to expand in sensuality we honour your spirit. Your feelings are a window into your soul. So do not ignore how you feel. It is time to explore, express and open to the feeling of being. Emotional and sensational. Trust that your what you feel like right now, is perfect for you.

    Example | You jump on the trampoline because it feels good. You take a breath and enjoy the dusk and let it wash over you because it feels good. You might even let out a groan because that actually feels really good too.

  5. Pleasure is a priority

    Pleasure is an experience of being open to flow. This is in the realm of the sacral chakra. Sacral being all about sensuality, creativity, allowing, sexuality, pleasure and fluidity. Put all that together and you get allowing pleasure.

    What if it was as simple as being open to the possibility for pleasure. Perhaps, fun is all around you but you are not seeing it because you are doing what you should be doing.

    What if your only responsibility was not to should but to expanding yourself into a radiant, joyful state so that you could be the most vibrant you could be?

    What if that was all you needed to focus on? That your mothering, your work, your socialising, your home life, your satisfaction levels, your impact on the healing of the planet were all intensified if you just needed to stay in a state of joyful vibration. What would that look like for you? What would you go towards and what would you avoid?

    Sensuality is opening to your own pleasure as a priority. It is the freedom to give yourself permission to have pleasure and honouring your need for it.

    Example | You no longer say yes to your friend and her insane demands. You say no. You take the time you need in the morning to get centred and energised which means your family start to give you the time and space you require.

Giving yourself to a full expression of what you are feeling is pleasure, is sensual.



Take care lovely ones,

And if you haven’t already,

Check out my Sensual Soul Workshop, where I guide and support you to awaken your sensual true nature.

Lots of love Nicole


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Nicole Mathieson

Hi, I'm Nicole Mathieson, a relationship and body image coach, couple therapist and author.

My relationships blog helps couples learn practical ways to cultivate a deeper understanding of one another, find safety and connection in relationships, navigate difficult conversations and repair after conflict.