Why you need joy in your relationship

why joy, relationship coach for women

You need joy in your relationship. We all do.

What happens to your relationship when you are tired and depleted. When you feel like all you have done all day, all week, all year is look after other people at the expense of your own needs?

Well, you feel resentful and cranky, don’t you?

And who cops the brunt of this fury usually – your partner


If we are bringing depleted, cranky and low desire in to our relationship dynamic, we will get something negative back. Our partner will instantly be put on the back foot, get defensive and close up.

If we bring relaxed, calm, contented energy in – we will get back a vibe that feels a lot more likely to endear us to our partners. We maybe even want to get cosy with them

How do we bring more joy into our relationship?

First we need to get beyond resistance

There is often a great deal of resistance in women, to bringing more joy into their relationship – they often ask, “Why should I when he isn’t doing anything?”

I totally understand that it can feel unfair and lopsided and out of whack. But you need to come back to the realisation that the opposite – so bringing more negativity – is not working for you. And ask yourself this question who benefits from the change –yes, he does but so do  you.

Once you are past the resistance and ready to go, there are 2 keys to bringing more joy and transforming your relationship vibe.

 1. Focus on the good

It is so easy for us to focus on what is going wrong in our relationships….where our partner is falling short and what they have failed to do in order to make us feel good, loved and content.

This is human nature. It is natural but it is not helping. In order to feel the love and goodness in our relationships we actually need to shift our focus onto what is working. What is going well? How are you supported and loved by them? There will definitely be things that are going well that you are overlooking.

 2. Fill up your own cup

We need to stop waiting around for someone else to give us a break or permission to give us the space for goodness and create the space for it ourselves. We have to fill up our own cups.

Right now you might hear your mind complaining, saying “but I don’t have enough time, I have too much to do”. Stop with this excuse. Filling up your own cup does not need to take long. It is actually an attitude. It is finding joyous opportunities, blessings or moments to allow good feeling in, even amongst the to-do list and the chaos.


Ask yourself this:

How would my relationship feel if I were focussing on the good?

What would it be like if I were habitually filling up my own cup?


I believe your relationship would change in delightful ways.

If you are empowered and you are feeling full of joy, you are rippling your light out from within you, from your heart. That light will be transforming the feel of your couples frequency and it will be shifting and transforming the way you interact with your partner.

Joy is so often seen as something we will get to when everything is sorted.

But believe me, and you know this yourself! that day never comes.

In order to feel more joy and less in that struggle. You got to go get it. So get it girl.

Join my one month immersion Joyful to revive the spark and feel better in yourself and your relationship.

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Nicole Mathieson

Hi, I'm Nicole Mathieson, a relationship and body image coach, couple therapist and author.

My relationships blog helps couples learn practical ways to cultivate a deeper understanding of one another, find safety and connection in relationships, navigate difficult conversations and repair after conflict.