How to trust

trust, nicole mathieson relationship coach


How do you trust?  Your life, your friends, your love or even yourself?

As humans we doubt, we fear and we worry so easily.

But how do we trust?


Just like cells we are either living in a state of contraction or openness.

Fear causes contraction.

Love and trust cause openness.


When we don’t trust the world we contract and block it.
And we block it because on some level we don’t actually really deeply trust ourselves.


Years ago, I lived in a state of contraction.

I was defensive, preoccupied with worry, neurotically planning my future conversations and imagining every last scenario and what I would do if it all went wrong. I was in total control freak mode. And my mind was vigilant (and I had migraines!!). But the worst part of it was – I was unable to truly feel the pleasure, the joy and the goodness of my life because I was not open.


Trust is the basis for openness. Open is the basis for pleasure.

And I was not feeling the pleasure.

But before I could open to the world and to pleasure, I needed to know that I could trust myself.

When I eventually learnt to trust myself and my capacity to deal with my emotions and fears,  I didn’t have to control my world so much. I was able to just be and know that whatever arose, I would be able to deal with it.


We start trusting the world by trusting ourselves first.

And trusting ourselves is something that builds and grows like a muscle. It needs attention, effort and practice.

Growing the muscle starts with the simple act of tuning in and being present with yourself.

Coming back to yourself.
And staying.
No leaving.
Being there.
Giving yourself the time and space and support that you need no matter how uncomfortable.
To feel, and be there for yourself.

And every time you feel uncomfortable,
Instead of diving into a box of cookies or a bottle of wine, or distracting with Facebook,
You sit and are present with yourself.
You give yourself all the time and space in the world.
And you speak sweetly to yourself, like your soul was whispering to you.

And overtime you find that you have built a trusty relationship.

And those bull shit stories that your mind tells you – that you need to compensate, that you need to control stuff, that you need to be defensive and vigilant – pale into insignificance in contrast to the warm inner glow that you feel in relation to yourself.

A glow that softens your nervous system and excites your soul.

That creates a platform for stepping out into the world with faith.

That opens your eyes to the universal support, guidance and beauty that is there amongst the chaos.
And then you start to open, like a flower. You dilate, you receive, and you let it in.

For me, trust is self-love. It is part of the inner circulation that allows me to feel energised and alive.

Trust is my foundation

It is mine and it is about me.
Nobody else.

Trust comes from within.

I have made trust my default.

I make an effort to Tune in and  I practice coming back to myself.

I am okay now because I am here for me no matter what.

And this in essence is what I teach my clients. When they get this, they are okay. Here are some words from one of my beautiful clients Alana Helbig just yesterday;

“Your words “make your default one of trust” plays again and again in my mind. And I’ve been practising this each day, now believing this is possible, through Simply just exercising my trust muscle. So thank you, beautiful Nicole. You have given me the gift of FAITH. And the world has shifted because of this.”

How can you build your trust muscle?

I would love to hear what comes to mind for you in the comments below.

Take care lovely one,

Lots of love


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Nicole Mathieson

Hi, I'm Nicole Mathieson, a relationship and body image coach, couple therapist and author.

My relationships blog helps couples learn practical ways to cultivate a deeper understanding of one another, find safety and connection in relationships, navigate difficult conversations and repair after conflict.