Your EGO doesn’t like sensual

sacral chakra Open Heart Woman
Sensuality is feeling good inside.

Sensual practise is nourishing your life force – it is putting your attention and your energy on nourishing your inner world. This means allowing your pleasure. It also means honouring and prioritising you above duty, should and people pleasing. A practice that over time results in you radiating joy. But one that challenges your EGO.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk to blossom” – Anais Nin


EGO = Everything Good is Outside.

The EGO makes us believe that in order to stay well and safe that we should focus all our attention on OUT there.

So we focus on creating the perfect world. Our happiness becomes dependant on circumstances. This deems us powerless. We are seduced into thinking that we need to strive, struggle, over compensate and impress so that we can feel safe in our belonging.

EGO thinks small – it boxes you in. It limits you. It’s only agenda is safety.  Fear is it’s friend. And we have every argument in the book to back up the case for smallness. We have been collecting the evidence for years. It is very hard to argue with your EGO. Just remember that if you follow the logic of your EGO, fear & doubt, you will end up where you have always ended up which is stuck.

Your safety brain loves stuck. Stuck is safe, you can’t get into too much trouble there.

No matter how peaceful and perfect you manipulate the circumstances to be – if you are reliant on them being that way – you have lost your power. It requires vigilance to keep everything like that. You fear change. This is a stressful way to be. Not only because change is inevitable,  but also because you have the low hum of anxiety from an ever present tension as your spirit feels trapped. Your spirit yearns for more. Your higher self knows that everything Good is NOT outside. Small does not feel right. Your higher self yearns to be nourished, heard, held. It yearns for growth and expansion.

Your spirit yearns to be free to feel pleasure.


As women our EGO’s have learnt to be quite tentative in the realm of sexuality. So many taboos, so many opportunities for awkward. Are we a pornstar or  prude? Do we win the man by holding out or giving out? How do we come across as just the right amount of sensual but not a slut? Not easy to navigate.

What your sensual self LOVES is the time and space to explore and be present.

How can you be more welcoming to your sensual self?

How can you give that part of you the permission to get out of the box and be free?

Perhaps you can ask your sensual self what she needs.

Perhaps you can just go towards and savour what she loves.

Perhaps you can enrol her into a Sensual Soul Workshop and worship her for a whole day.

  • Give her some time & space.
  • Make her your priority
  • Turn down the volume on your EGO voice and remind yourself “I choose to expand”
  • Savour the sensory
  • Explore pleasure

Have this conversation with your EGO

“Hey Ego”
“I have a new way of working things”
And what’s that?
“From now on Nourishing life force (within) is the new safe”
But but but haven’t I told you that Everything Good (and safe) is Outside – {get it? EGO}
“Yeh, but I’ve been doing that since you first told me when I was 3 and you know what, it’s not working for me, in fact it is turning people away form me and making me a bit crazy. I can’t control out there, so I am going to nourish life force instead.”

I would love to hear how it feels for you to invite more sensuality into your life.

How does your Ego resist? What are the justifications for smallness?

How do you get past it?

Let me know how it feels for you,

Take care


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Nicole Mathieson

Hi, I'm Nicole Mathieson, a relationship and body image coach, couple therapist and author.

My relationships blog helps couples learn practical ways to cultivate a deeper understanding of one another, find safety and connection in relationships, navigate difficult conversations and repair after conflict.