The chasm between us

The chasm between us, relationship coaching for women

The chasm between us is a letter to your husband…..

Read or listen via the link below.


I want to talk to you, but I can’t find the words, so I am writing to you instead.

I want you to know that I am thinking of you and us. I know that you may not know this, because there is a chasm between us.

It worries me. We haven’t exactly been very connected lately, have we?

I really don’t like it when we are disconnected. I am sure you don’t either.

I don’t even remember where this chasm came from. Can you? All I know is that it is full of all the things we are scared of saying to each other for fear of tension, conflict and more pain. So, we bottle it all up and stick it in the space between us.
But it creates this void; this horrible gaping hole separating us. You on one side and me on the other.

I want it to go away. I want to feel intimate with you, like we used to. No! I want to feel even more intimate than we were. Intimate in a way that chasm-proofs our relationship forever more.

We both know by now that it is not one or the other’s fault that we are here. It is all my history, my fears, my sensitivities, my taboos and my triggers rubbing up against all of yours. It is as complex and vast as the stars in the sky.

The truth is that we are both sensitive humans with the need to feel safe, loved and accepted. We both have needs and desires that the other can’t possibly guess if we don’t share them.

So, I wonder how you would feel about trying something new with me.

How about we share ourselves a little bit more?
Our needs
Our sensitivities
Our fears
Our desires

And we entrust these nuggets of intimate wisdom to each other like precious buds. Holding them delicately and inquiring into how we can help them flower and blossom. We could have a rule to never ever use them to hurt each other.

Babe, I know this is scary and unknown, but it can’t possibly be scarier than the chasm between us. We are stronger and safer together.

What do you think?

Love me xx

This letter to your husband is generic. It is not a personal letter from me to my husband, but more from every woman to her partner. 


  1. Cindy on July 2, 2019 at 10:47 pm

    Hi Nicole, thank you for such a beautiful and insightful letter; especially it brought tears in my eyes when I listened to your voice when you read it. Thank you once again for your information. Much appreciated.

    • Nicole Mathieson on July 8, 2019 at 11:49 am

      Thank you Cindy,
      It is so lovely to hear that you were touched by this. I will keep these letters coming.
      Take care

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Nicole Mathieson

Hi, I'm Nicole Mathieson, a relationship and body image coach, couple therapist and author.

My relationships blog helps couples learn practical ways to cultivate a deeper understanding of one another, find safety and connection in relationships, navigate difficult conversations and repair after conflict.