I wrote my love a letter
I needed to say some stuff to my husband which bubbled up from a morning meditation where my heart opened to the rising sun.
My feelings led me to the yearnings of my soul. My soul is always the compass, through my feelings. Even when I am unaware of my truth and my needs, I get feedback. Often this feedback is in the form of illness, frustration, resentment or a sense that I have no power. These feelings rise out of not honouring the needs of my soul and following the guide of my heart.
So I wrote my love a letter…
This letter came from an open heart.
It spoke of love.
It was raw and vulnerable,
It was honest and real.
It was gentle and loving.
It was brutal. It laid out what was acceptable and what was not.
And it was not his fault.
I have not been asking for or standing up for what I needed. I have not felt my entitlement in a holistic way. It has felt easier to sacrifice my needs for the family and power on. I have not demanded that my needs are met. I take responsibility for that now.
My letter gave birth to the new. It outlined the new space that I was holding for myself and for us.
It was never acceptable for us to lose our connection. Not to stress or workloads. Not to numbing distractions. Not to fear of saying the wrong thing or exposing emotions.
What I need is for this connection to be the priority. For us to connect in the fire of all our fears and worries and to create an energetic chord of love that is fueled and strengthened by presence.
The connection does not come from sex, “how was your day?” or even a hug. It comes from a real intention to delve and be present, to really feel in to what is going on.
The letter did its magic in a way that spoken words could not. It set the scene for a warm and loving heart felt, present communion. We feel healed. I am entitled to having my feelings met. I commit to holding the space for them now.
When they come from the depths of my soul, they are needs that I must honour and make space for in my life. The shifts in the family dynamic to make space for them may be really subtle. It could be as simple as just an intention and a promise. Or it may mean a Sunday yoga class for me, while the family fends for themselves, a commitment to finding space in my life and to taking myself off on mini retreats. It is a promise to share more about certain areas of our lives.
As girlfriends, wives and mothers we don’t want to be too demanding, tough, hard or unappreciative so we deny our soul’s calling. We sacrifice our sustainability.
But no more.
Where do you need hold the space for your needs to become more sustainable?
Where do you need to step into your entitlement?
Who do you need to write a letter to?
Hi, I'm Nicole Mathieson, a relationship and body image coach, couple therapist and author.
My relationships blog helps couples learn practical ways to cultivate a deeper understanding of one another, find safety and connection in relationships, navigate difficult conversations and repair after conflict.