Where do you get your relationship power?


Your relationship power lies in your magnetic capacity as a whole and sensual being.

We all know the magnetic powers of attraction in fresh new love affairs. The yin and the yang, the feminine and masculine. The dynamic between you and your lover is an energetic force field that at times could power a small village.

But fresh new love aside, where does this power come from? Is it from within you or outside of you?

Sourcing from within means it comes from a place where your passion is fired up, where your inner goddess lies, where you know yourself as enough.

Sourcing from outside means a reliance on positive feedback, appreciation and reassurance. This is not always easy to achieve and can leave us feeling defensive and vulnerable a lot of the time.

When we do not feel the internal radiance of our power, or at least our own capacity to fuel it up – we do not trust our magnetism. This lack of trust may come from post baby figure, or lack of self-esteem or even a sense of shame about fully embodying your sensual nature.

Not trusting our magnetism creates a need to compensate our attraction in other ways.

Have you ever felt that you need to offer so much more – work, nurture, housework, perfectionism – in order to feel comfortable in your relationships?

Here are some other ways we compensate;


Getting so totally immersed in each other’s micro-worlds that you couldn’t possibly do without each other.

Constant testing

Setting your partner up for either failure or success (but let’s face it is usually failure!) often hand in hand with jealousy.

Emotional fragility

You can’t leave me or I’ll fall apart

Bossy overbearingness

Going for total control and creating a deficiency in your partner that fills your own self-lack hole

Obsession with beauty

Not feeling valuable enough if you are not gorgeous

While it is normal to phase in and out of these occasionally, nobody wants to be stuck there. None of these are healthy for a long term relationship and over time they corrode trust and are a wet blanket on good feeling and positive vibes – especially in the bedroom.

As women, we need to feel our attraction as we dance through our interactions in life. We need to trust our natural womanly nature and that this very nature is worthy of attraction.

So to light this flame of inner power we need to think about what works for us and makes us feel lit up.  Have a go at these questions:

What are the things, people, situations that are to be avoided / or encouraged in order to fuel your power?

What are the thoughts and beliefs that fill you up? How can you consciously choose those thoughts and beliefs?

How can you nourish your power flame?

What are the visions, dreams and passions that you need to immerse yourself in to feel empowered? (and take a note of what fears and doubts arise)

Here are my positive action steps to feel more empowered in your own attraction:

  • Find your own passions – go towards what you love
  • Take charge of your self-care – nourish, love and energise your body
  • Commune with soul sisters – you know the ones that fuel your dreams
  • Join my Sensual Soul Workshop – Feel held and supported in firing up your inner goddess power
Sensual Soul workshop

Sensual Soul Workshop

I wish you so much courage and joy in your unfolding,


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Nicole Mathieson

Hi, I'm Nicole Mathieson, a relationship and body image coach, couple therapist and author.

My relationships blog helps couples learn practical ways to cultivate a deeper understanding of one another, find safety and connection in relationships, navigate difficult conversations and repair after conflict.