This chocolate brownie may look like an innocent afternoon snack to you.

Well it is…..and it isn’t.

This little brownie or one of its kin tempted me on Sunday afternoon.

I ate it.

I don’t usually eat much sugar these days. So little that I have been desensitised to it. My system is just not ready for the impact.

Things I notice when I eat sugar {i.e. the reason I cut it out}

1. My jaw tightens
2. My muscles tighten
3. My heart tightens
4. I get tired and grumpy
5. I feel dehydrated
6. I lose contact with my spiritual self
7. I cannot connect with other people ( see # 4)

But on Sunday afternoon, I convinced myself, that just like everyone else munching away on brownies, that a little square was not going to be such a big deal. Why not loosen up and have a bit? {fear of missing out perhaps?}

My intuition was telling me not to. But I did. Yep – still happens!

When I came to bed on Sunday night, my husband was pleased to see me (you know what I mean!) but my heart was closed. I was aware that my loins were keen, but I was steadily contracting.

With the sugar coursing through me I was defensive, sensitive & mean spirited. Blaming everything on poor unsuspecting hubby. He copped the brunt of my closed heart insecurities.

I should have been cranky at the brownie.

This is what sugar does to me.

It is a choice for me of intimacy or sugar.

The two do not mix.

Luckily, I am conscious enough these days of what is happening and I can say to my husband; “Sorry honey I can’t connect tonight – the brownie has closed my heart up”. And we are cool.

But I would be interested to hear from you.

Do you have a sugar/ heart reactivity thing going on? Or is it just me?

Are you aware of other things that close you off from connection? (Too much facebook before bed for example) And how hard is it to choose connection?

Leave a comment below and let me know.

Maybe it is time for you to become really conscious of what closes you off and tightens you up. Then you can steer your life towards making choices towards deeper and more satisfying connection.

The thing is, I didn’t even really enjoy the brownie. It was lovely and all but just too sweet for me. Next time, I choose connection. I choose my husband.

Take care