My Philosophy
My relationship coaching philosophy draws on some key understandings. The first is the three pillars framework. Each pillar represents one of the key areas that support us to grow and thrive in our relationships. Beneath that are the key concepts for healing.
The 3 pillars of thriving relationships
Through working on building and strengthening
these 3 pillars in our relationships we can feel
more empowered, more appreciative
and more like the woman we want to be in life and love.
The 3 pillars are...
Self-love
The way that we love ourselves is reflected in the love we attract. If we are not happy with how our partner is loving us or the quality of the relationship that we attract, it is a sign that we need to be kinder, gentler and more loving to ourselves.
Taking Responsibility
It is so easy to slip into blame and finger pointing in relationships but we need instead to look at our part in the dynamics. As 50% of the relationship, we have a great deal of power over how it feels. The more we take responsibility the better it gets.
Gratitude
Marrriages often struggle due to a mutual lack of appreciation. Our minds are skewed to focus on the negative, having a corrosive effect on our relationships. Incorporating gratitude into your relationship changes the way you see your partner for the better.
In all the resources, products and coaching sessions that I offer we look to build and strengthen these 3 pillars. Having solid foundations in these three pillars will give you more clarity, more emotional control and a better perspective on what you and your relationship needs.
Key concepts
Beneath the pillars are my key healing concepts.
These are the framework for the work we do and the tools that I offer.
The concept that within us all there are different parts, some of which are needing our attention. Our tendency is to brush off and bury these needy parts of ourselves, only making them cry louder. By offering these parts of ourselves comfort and love, we create inner cohesion and self-acceptance.
The understanding that life is not a straight line from A to B in an upward trajectory on which life gets continually better. Instead we spiral up and down and in and out. Gathering wisdom from the light, the dark and the process of it all. When we know this, we can stop panicking that we are failing.
The concept that the beauty and goodness of your healing is not in the full complete flower ie. the finished product, but in the blossoming itself. This means that is doesn't matter where you are starting from, the very fact that you are ready to be smart and conscious in your relationship is valuable and beautiful in and of itself.
NB: Sometimes the work is not even the blossoming of a bud, but instead it is the tending of the soil, ready to plant a seed that will one day become a plant that will flower. This too has beauty and value. It fuels life. It is an expression of love.
Relationships struggle when we approach them too much from the perspective of our heads. Our head (or the logical thinking part of us) believes that everything must add up and make sense. Often leading us to ruminate, jump to conclusions or get stuck in judgement. Learning to feel into our hearts, helps us to find balance and to tap back into the natural connection we have with our partners.
Frequently asked questions
I specialise in working with women. In most relationships, women are the emotional regulators, who have their fingers on the pulse of relationship issues. This means women are generally the first to feel unhappy in their relationship – as evidenced by the fact that women are 70% more likely to file for a divorce than men.
Through healing, taking responsibility and changing their part in the relationship, women can shift their relationship back into an upward spiral towards more love and connection.
NB: Not always, sometimes they just need to leave.
The choice you make here is dependent upon your context and preferences. It may also change over time.
- A psychologist may be the best choice if there are more complex or serious issues within the partnership such as: serious mental health issues, addiction, PTSD, bipolar, trauma, domestic violence, etc.
- Couple therapy is an effective choice for many, especially if both parties feel ready and engaged.
- One-to-one relationship coaching may be the best choice for you if you want more understanding and control over yourself, your reactions and emotions, you will be able to understand and have a positive impact upon your relationship and your partner.
My clients are women who are struggling, feeling stuck, negative, resentful and not functioning at their best within the realms of intimate relationships.
* They may be in a long term relationship and feeling lost.
* They may be single and wanting to optimise their next relationship.
* They may have just started a new relationship and see old patterns creeping in.
My clients are willing to look at themselves and are ready to have a deeper intimacy within. They understand that it is time to dig deeper and explore their own patterns. The result is that they have a more loving relationship with themselves, which ripples out into their intimate relationships.
There is no fixed time that is best; however, if you are feeling negative towards your relationship, my general advice is to see someone as early as possible.
If things are generally okay, one-to-one relationship coaching can still be a very powerful and transformative opportunity to create change, and take your relationship to the next level.
This coaching cannot promise to save your relationship or marriage. Indeed, through this process you may (or may not) decide that the best outcome for everyone is to end the relationship.
Yes, while I am based in Brisbane, Australia, I see clients from around the world via Skype. As long as your time zone meets my schedule, we can work together.
My role is to support you wherever you find yourself in your relationship journey. I use the three pillars framework, but I do not have fixed method or a process that I box you into. Instead, I meet you where you are currently at and together we go where you are ready and comfortable to explore and expand.
Feedback from a new client: “Thank you, Nicole. I have never done anything like this before. I was a bit scared, but you made that so easy for me.”
My approach is heart based, therefore fully accepting of who you are, non-judgemental and present.
Before the session, I ask you to fill in a questionnaire, which gives me a clearer idea of what you are struggling with. We will use this as a starting point for setting goals for you and your relationship.
Some activities that we may do within a session are:
- exploring what is holding you back from achieving your relationship goals
- meditation practices to tune in to and process feelings
- analysing any narratives you have about your relationship
- looking at where idealism and expectations are creating tension
- examining where any unhealthy behaviour patterns come from
- focusing on how to take back responsibility for your feelings
- comforting and offering help to the needy parts within
Yes. Please do the following:
- Fill in the forms provided
- Think about your aims and goals for the work
- Be ready for and committed to your own growth and healing
- Be drug and alcohol free
This is dependent on the individual. I offer a 2-month immersion package with on-going contact between sessions for those who are looking for and need more ongoing support and more profound change. I also offer single sessions for those who just want help with less complex issues or prefer to pay for each session individually.
Yes! The level to which you work on yourself between sessions makes a difference. I give my clients focus tasks to complete as homework and action plans.
In order to assist you I will set up an online space when you sign up for a package where you and I communicate on a regular basis.
Yes, you can pay for the 2 month program upfront, monthly or fortnightly.
The best way to confirm if you would like to work with me are through:
- booking a discovery call or
- sending me an email with your questions to hi@nicolemathieson.com
I wish you all the very best in your relationship journey
Take care,
